Unfortunately I believe this put a lot of pressure on my husband. Although I was trying to help and it was an issue that definitely needed to be dealt with my constantly bombarding him with questions was possibly not the best rout to take. Though I do believe that if I didn't put SOME pressure on him to work on the situation he would have avoided the topic entirely and nothing would have improved, I now know that I could have handled things a bit more delicately.
So, how should we as wives help our husband best overcome a season of erectile dysfunction?
- Watch your language.
- Don't make it about you.
- Take a break before you talk to him.
- Know the possibilities.
There is also the possibility that the cause is medical. Even if this is the case there will most likely be some emotional aspect to his issues since having problems sexually is a big blow to a mans ego and that can compound the problem by causing him stress, worry and depression in and of itself. Mayo Clinic states that most cases of erectile dysfunction are caused by something physical. There is quite a number of possible causes for this. They list:
- Heart disease
- Clogged blood vessels (atherosclerosis)
- High cholesterol
- High blood pressure
- Metabolic syndrome, a condition involving increased blood pressure, high insulin levels, body fat around the waist and high cholesterol
- Parkinson's disease
- Multiple sclerosis
- Low testosterone
- Peyronie's disease, development of scar tissue inside the penis
- Certain prescription medications
- Tobacco use
- Alcoholism and other forms of substance abuse
- Treatments for prostate cancer or enlarged prostate
- Surgeries or injuries that affect the pelvic area or spinal cord
I just want to remind you that this is a very delicate and frustrating time for your husband. He might not be acting like "himself" and could be treating you with anger, resentment and indifference. It is important to have extra patience and sensitivity with him. Lashing out will make the situation worse. If you need a place to vent your frustration please do it in a way that will not come back to him. You do not want him to hear from a friend that you have been telling everyone all over town that he is having issues. That could cause him a lot of embarrassment and shame and that would be wrong of you to be unsupportive in that manner. If you do need to talk to someone make sure it is someone that you can really trust not to spread it around or someone who is completely outside of the situation as long as that person is NOT MALE! There are quite a few reasons for this piece of advice that I won't get into now but this is a VERY important point that I can't stress enough. Do not, under any circumstances talk to another man about your husband's sexual issues! Ideally you should talk with another Christian woman who understands not only the importance of marriage but also the importance of your relationship with God and will be able to pray over you. I was able to speak with my pastors wife during this time but if that is not an option for you, feel free to contact me. At least then you will know I understand where you're coming from. Things might seem bleak, but know that my marriage was able to recover even with fairly extreme circumstances. I have faith that yours can too.